A funny thing happened along this road of life, I hit a bump in the road or rather the bump hit me. Or more precisely it was kind of an explosive bump, one that has made a huge difference in my life, though it has taken me a while to understand just how far different it has made me.
In 2003, I was part of the original invasion or liberation, depending on your point of view, of Iraq. And I had the misfortune of getting too close and personal with a couple of explosions, one of which briefly knocked me out, doing some small amount of damage to my brain. When I came to, the only thing I noticed was a cut on my arm and a slight limp, nothing, so I thought anyhow, that would be life changing. I was wrong.
Upon my return from Iraq, there were things that I started to notice right off that weren't quite right with me. My focus was gone, the limp was worse, and I started to find things more confusing to me then I had remembered them being before. Simple things that I had taken for granted, such as balancing a check book, or remembering names or even just where I was headed had become so daunting a task that I would freak out.
In 2007, I went to the VA in Arkansas for a series of tests to determine whether or not I was suffering from some sort of Traumatic Brain Injury. After many tests and an MRI it was indeed decided that I was suffering from a mild case of it. They found three spots on my brain, but told me that they were minor and of no concern. That was the last I heard from them. They were wrong.
After moving back to New England I was assigned a doctor at the VA in Vermont and as he was looking over my record, during a check up in September, he found the results of the tests and was not happy with what he found. He immediately set up appointments for me with the TBI doctor and clinic and it was there that I found out that the injuries to my brain, though small in size, went deep into important parts of my brain, the parts that affect sight and speech as well as cognitive abilities and the nervous system. In short, everything that has been happening to me, eyesight going down, muscle twitches and spasms as well as trouble with basic cognitive things, such as speech and memory are a result of those injuries.
But here is the part that will shock you, I am thankful. Yes, I did say thankful.
While I have taken a moment to tell you some of the negative effects of what has happened to me I think the positive greatly out weighs it.
I have learned humility. I was once a very proud man who thought it was great to be able to run younger men and women into the ground and barely break a sweat. Now, many times, I need help just getting my shoes on. To walk any great distance is a massive chore, yet I am thankful, not because it is difficult but because it has made me a much more humble and compassionate man to those who are hurting.
I have had to learn that it is OK to rely on others from time to time. There are many things that I am unable to do and so I have had to seek out those who could help me and in turn I find it easier to help others when they are in need.
I have learned to love my family more and really appreciate what G-D has given me through them. My wife, in particular, has had to deal with a lot of issues with me, my health, my mental attitudes and difficulties, yet she has stuck with me when many others would have left. And through her love for me, I have learned to love the way that I should.
I have learned who my real friends are. They are not the people who expect me to be the way that I was before and have accepted what I have become without reservation. They have become the best extended family that anyone could hope to have.
I have learned to do some things differently then I might have otherwise. The fact that I am writing this is proof of that. Some years ago I would not have ever attempted to write anything, yet my brain, in all this confusion, switched gears and now I enjoy the challenge. It matters little that only a few people read it. What matters is the enjoyment and the challenge.
I have had the time to really look and study the scriptures and while much of my religious views have changed because of it I have also come to appreciate those who see the world and religion differently then I do and for that I am thankful.
In some ways I have been given a second chance at life. Yes the things that I have done in the past are still the things that touch me in the present, but I see things so much differently then before that I almost don't recognize the person from the past.
And I think that this is a good thing.
This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24
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