It has always amazed me,the things that G-d will do, to get our attention sometimes. We read the Bible stories of the burning bush and the fire on Mt . Sinai and so I think we get it into our minds that these are the types of things or ways that G-d usually uses to get our attention. I have come to discover though that this is not His normal way, at least in my case, of trying to tell us some thing. Let me share with you...
For the last few weeks I have been struggling with some personal issues, amongst them, has been where do I fit into the grand scheme of G-D's plan? At one time I thought that I knew and yet as time has gone on and my beliefs in G-D have changed and developed, I have come to discover just how little that I actually do know. The more I have studied the more I have pondered as to where I fit. My wife can attest to the fact that I have spent hours pacing around outside while deep in thought and in prayer just trying to grasp a little of what He wants. I had even considered that my usefulness was over because of the physical problems in my life and the simple fact that in my writing I only have a few who even read it anymore so I found myself ,in a manner of speaking, banging my head into a wall and arguing, sort of , with G-D.
Even my very identity I have been questioning, was I or was I not a child of G-D or at least His servant?
Then I took a nap and watched a movie and I finally caught on to what He had been trying to show me.
G-D is amazing!!!
So I took a nap on Friday afternoon, nothing terribly unusual there,except that I woke up with this song going through my head that I haven't heard in many years. Some of you who ever went to Sunday/Sabbath school or perhaps even camp will likely know this song, but truly it came out of nowhere, well sort of nowhere, G-D put it there so it came from Him....
The song in question was "Father Abraham had many sons, many sons had father Abraham.." It hit me like a ton of bricks on my rather thick skull that G-D was trying to tell me that He has many children. Not all of them are going to agree on everything, but it does not change the fact that we are still His children. Then Psalm 139 came to mind where G-D asks the question; Where can you go and hide from my presence? We can't hide from G-D and there is little point in trying and we are all His children! This was the first part.
The second part came a few hours later, while watching the movie "Prince of Egypt" In the very beginning of that movie you have the children of Israel in the midst of slavery and they are crying out to G-D to deliver them from their bondage. The animation was incredible and as much as an animated movie could, it put you right in the middle of their pain and suffering. It moved me so much that it brought me to tears, but it was the part of Moses with Jethro in Midian that really touched my heart.
In that part of the movie you have a span of 40 years shown in a matter of a few minutes which had Moses going from a guest to a member of the family, but again it was the song that touched me. The songs title "Heavens Eyes" says it well but when I listened to all the lyrics it hit me once again as to what He was trying to tell me.
Remember I had mentioned earlier that I was not feeling terribly useful to G-D? Well the lyrics to the song say basically; How can you know what your worth unless you look through heavens eyes? The song talks about a single thread in a tapestry that doesn't know it's worth until it is seen from a distance combined with all the rest, then you see it's worth and it's beauty. I may not feel like I am worth much, but G-D knows my worth and someday I will see the bigger picture and I will understand that every one of us, just like the lone thread , is worth something to the eyes of Heaven.
The third part of this equation fits in a different sort of way and is directly related to this blog. I used to write several times a week because I truly enjoyed the process.I would see something or experience something and I would share it with you. Usually it had something to do with some wonder of G-D that had gotten my attention and I was eager to share.
Over time though it has changed from something light and good, something to get the mind away from the insanity of the world, into a blog I hardly recognize anymore.It was never my attention to turn this blog into a battle ground of my thoughts are better then yours, or my beliefs are far superior, and yet I am afraid that it has turned somewhat that way.
The reason that I mention this is because I was reading something the other day, concerning Jewish law, that makes it very clear that it is not my job to do the afore mentioned things, it is simply my job to live the life that G-D has given to me and to keep peace,as it is in my control, with my neighbors. To love G-D with all my heart ,mind and strength. It is not my job to judge you or anyone else who sees things differently from me or even those who blatantly disagree with me. Who am I to judge a servant of G-D? Who am I that I should point my finger at anyone and judge them. I am not in the place of G-D and therefore it is not my place to try and act as G-D.
So this is where this phase of my writing will end. I am going to go back to the type of writing that I enjoy and I will leave the religious debates and arguments behind.
I do have another blog that I write my political views on and maybe from time to time as is appropriate I will write about religion, but as far as this blog goes I am going to go back to the whole concept of "His Quiet Voice", and simply thank those of you who read this for putting up with all of it.
Shalom,
Ignacio
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